If you’re searching for answers to questions like “How much porn is an addiction,” chances are something feels off in your life.
Or, you may be seeking answers for someone you love.
You’re not alone!
According to a recent study “The Porn Phenomenon” published by the Barna Group and Pure Desire, 75 percent of ministers surveyed are actively helping someone recover from a porn addiction.
However, the same study reports: “Many congregants want their church to address pornography. Only 10 percent of U.S. Christians and churched adults say their church offers programming to help those struggling with pornography.”
What does “too much” porn mean?
In past posts we’ve talked about so-called ethical porn, the harms of the porn industry, and the ways porn ruins relationships. Based on research, we believe all porn use perpetrates harm to yourself and others. Any amount of porn use is too much. Are you open to hear us out?
The question of frequency vs. impact
Let’s start with the sneaky, subtle ways porn addiction affects you. Then we’ll offer questions to self-assess how porn is impacting you. At the end, we’ll address proven, practical steps to quit porn even if you feel like you’re addicted.
Frequency of watching porn shouldn’t be the main concern.
On a journey of self-awareness, learning to ask a different set of questions enables you to get to the bottom of your challenges.
Here are a few burning questions to consider:
- Is your sex and porn addiction telling you it’s okay to “cheat” both on screen and in real life?
For example, Julius boldly shared that he repeatedly used porn and cheated multiple times on his wife, the mother of his eight children.
What sparked change in his life?
“My wife was also done with my double life!
‘I love you, but you have to choose,’ she told me very clearly.
At that moment, I knew that my family – my wife and kids – were the things I couldn’t live without.
As I look back now, I don’t know how
I could’ve done the things I did to her.” ~ Julius
- Is porn use fueling your mental health challenges?
Rachael talks about her porn use over the years, “I was incredibly depressed.”
She grew sick and tired of how porn left her feeling anxious, guilty, and depressed.
Cole’s porn habit escalated to the point he was spending hours in isolation, struggling with suicidal ideations.
- Are you excusing sexual violence, objectification, and abuse in porn scripts?
Joshua Broome, a former porn star, talks openly about ways the porn industry chewed him up and spit him out, despite his popularity.
“By consuming pornography or participating in it,
you believe the lie that people are products
and that sex is transactional,” says Joshua,
“And if you believe that people are products,
then you start to treat them like products.”
Porn derails your life in ways you may not even realize. Take stock and check yourself.
What destructive porn addiction effects might you be experiencing right now?
Warning signs of porn dependence
Similar to any other addiction, you may suddenly wonder, “Do I have symptoms of a porn addiction?”
Here are some signs you should never ignore.
10 signs of porn dependence
- I can’t stop watching porn, even when I try.
- I still watch porn even though it’s hurting someone else in my life.
- I watch porn even when it’s risky for me – like secretly at work.
- My porn use has escalated from a monthly to a weekly or even daily habit.
- I’m experiencing difficulties in my sex life like lack of interest or even early onset erectile dysfunction.
- I’m spending more and more money on porn.
- I’m watching harder core or more extreme porn.
- I’m ashamed, anxious, or depressed about my porn use.
- In order to watch porn, I skip out on social activities.
- I’ve started having intrusive thoughts about hurting myself.
All of these reflect problematic porn use (PPU) or potential symptoms of porn addiction.
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Watching too much porn isn’t the root problem
A recent anonymous Reddit user – wondering if he was addicted to porn – posted, “I love watching porn…I can feel how much of a dopamine rush it is…”
In the same subreddit, someone else said, “I hate porn and everything it’s done to me.”
Without realizing it, the first user clearly defined his need for porn’s “dopamine high”. Porn has become his fake substitute for natural highs.
“Porn sex” doesn’t teach real intimacy or improve your relationships. Sooner or later, it will let you down. You’re wise to consider the underlying reasons you turn to porn.
Time for self-reflection: the first step
Have you ever taken the time to stop and reflect on your life story with kindness and compassion?
What life situations led up to you looking at porn frequently? Why did you possibly just look at porn a few minutes ago? We call these “reasons” triggers.
The reasons you look at porn are often the same reasons others overeat or overspend – unhealthy ways to cope with life’s stresses. Addictions often start with behavioral coping mechanisms.
As you become aware of your triggers, here are simple tools you can use to start addressing symptoms of porn addiction.
H.A.L.T. your triggers
In the heat of a weak moment, use the acronym halt. Ask yourself if you are:
- Hungry
- Angry or anxious
- Lonely or bored
- Tired
To overcome triggers, be curious and develop a growing self-awareness of current situations that tempt you to turn to porn.
What have you bottled up and stuffed deep down inside over time? No one makes it through life without wounds.
Take stock of your trauma
Gabor Maté, M.D., a medical doctor who spent many years helping addicts, says that without exception, every person he helped over a span of a dozen years had experienced trauma. “No child asks to be abused,” says Maté, “…and trauma affects the developing brain.”
However, Maté defines trauma not as what happens to you, but what happens inside of you as a result of trauma.
Sam Jolman, therapist and author of The Sex Talk You Never Got, says: “Everyone has a story.
We all bear the marks of sexual harm and sexual shame.
And evil’s manipulation of our nervous system keeps us silent.”
Understanding your emotions and shifting your perspective on your life experiences is hard work.
One of the best tools you can choose is support from a compassionate, non-judgmental listening ear. Everyone needs a mentor, friend, or therapist to help them work through the hard parts of their story.
How to Break Free from Dependency
Are you ready to move past asking “how much porn is an addiction” and boldly change your perspective and mindset? Here are 5 practical steps you can take today.
5 ways to overcome porn addiction effects in your life
1. Motivation – nail down your “WHY”
“ A man without a vision is a man without a future.”
~ Lalachan Abraham’s sermon title
Note and write down your big reasons why you wish to quit porn.
Next, tell someone your goals and ask for help. Choosing an accountability partner alongside using an online accountability app is also highly motivating to stay away from porn in the heat of a moment.
2. Mindfulness – pay attention to your emotions and thought patterns
Psychology Today says, “Mindfulness is a state of active, open attention to the present. This state is described as observing one’s thoughts and feelings without judging them as good or bad.”
In short, your feelings or trauma don’t need to define your future. You can acknowledge them honestly and then move forward to the next step.
3. Meditation – find a quiet space in a noisy world
Meditation partners well with mindfulness as a powerful way to rewire your negative brain patterns. First, choose a quiet time and space. If you struggle with being still and quiet, try breathwork exercises to help you focus.
Meditation may include reading positive affirmations out loud to replace negative thought patterns about yourself. Others will choose to focus on reading and thinking about Scripture or other religious materials. Writing down gratitude moments and positive thoughts in a journal is another powerful way to focus your meditation.
4. Movement – recover from porn addiction symptoms like brain fog naturally
Many find that creating a regular exercise plan helps them get unstuck or overcome brain fog – one part of an effective porn addiction treatment.
“Running, hiking, and yoga have been huge healing resources for collecting my thoughts and emotions
and building a constructive plan for what I need to do next.”
~ Shawn Blymiller, author Primal Cries: 7 Proven Steps to Overcome a Porn and Sex Addiction.
According to Neuroscience News, regular exercise “leads to an increase in the levels of …serotonin, dopamine, and norepinephrine,” reducing porn addiction symptoms like depression and anxiety.
5. Momentum – unite to reach a common goal
Two vital action steps will help you gain momentum against a porn addiction.
First, be radically accountable online since porn is everywhere. Setting effective online boundaries like installing accountability software is vital.
Eric describes his initial accountability attempts and failures – “without any type of online accountability software for the last 13 years of my life, there always was a place I could hide, a place of secrecy.
It was the recurrent relapses that made me wonder, Why is this happening? But I didn’t have that online guard if I was ever alone or isolated.
So phase one of recovery was hellacious!”
Second, stay motivated and gain life-changing traction by plugging into a community of people who share the same goal to stop a porn addiction.
You’ll gain support to “fail forward”, always learning from your mistakes.
Will these steps work to overcome porn addiction symptoms?
Eric would tell you it won’t happen by accident. You must commit and take real action steps to take charge of your personal growth – a process that takes time, effort, and support.
You are worth the journey towards wholeness. You and those you love deserve to see you become who you were meant to be. You can succeed if you keep fighting and never give up!
*The Ever Accountable blog is not intended to be a substitute for professional advice, diagnosis, or therapy, though we often link to medically reviewed studies.
Works Cited
Abraham, Lalachan. “A Man Without A Vision Is A Man Without A Future Sermon by Lalachan Abraham, Proverbs 29:18 – SermonCentral.com.” Sermon Central, 3 July 2013, https://www.sermoncentral.com/sermons/a-man-without-a-vision-is-a-man-without-a-future-lalachan-abraham-sermon-on-vision-177220. Accessed 7 October 2024.
“Beyond the Porn Phenomenon – Pure Desire Ministries.” Pure Desire Ministries, https://puredesire.org/beyond-porn-phenomenon/. Accessed 7 October 2024.
Maté, Gabor. “The Power of Addiction and The Addiction to Power: Gabor Maté Transcript.” https://singjupost.com/power-addiction-addiction-power-gabor-mate-transcript/?singlepage=1.
Stenseng, Frode. “Exercise and the Brain: The Neuroscience of Fitness Explored.” Neuroscience News, 13 May 2023, https://neurosciencenews.com/fitness-neuroscience-23228/. Accessed 7 October 2024.
14-Day Free Trial
Protection From Pornography
Change your habits, change your life: Start our 14-day free trial to help get rid of pornography for good.
